I risk
shoulder injury, back injury, drowning, falling to death, and many more possible
outcomes. I live on the edge and mistakes are very costly. Putting myself on the line has become the routine. The
progression is higher, faster, and bigger. How big will I go before I must turn
away? Do I have the ability to save a friend when they depend on me? Will it ever be my turn to witness tragedy?
On the
river you don’t get many second chances. Every time you lose control you submit
yourself to your fate on the river. This danger is the allure. When kayaking it
is never you against the river. The river is a platform for you to battle
yourself. When you put in to kayak a dangerous river you must be prepared physically
and mentally. The river will test your bravery, skills, and resolve. You must have
the right gear, skills, and crew. When things start to go wrong you have to
pull yourself out of a bad mental space to make sure you can finish the run
unharmed. Most of the time you can walk around the waterfall in front of you,
but walking a waterfall you intended to do is a submission to yourself. By walking
you submit that you aren’t as good as you thought you were. You have to be
honest with your abilities. There isn’t much room for egos when lives are on
the line.
What are
the possible rewards? The feeling of triumph from conquering yourself. The strength
that is built from continually testing yourself in the face of danger. The
comradery developed with those that choose to test themselves with you and
trust you with their life if things were to spiral out of their control. The
discovery of what it feels like to be alive.
This
lifestyle has given me so much. It has given me great friendships,
unforgettable experiences, and transformative reflections. If I hadn’t found
kayaking I fear I’d be struggling with the questions I have been able to start
answering now.
Is the risk worth it? I don’t have the ability
to answer that. Why do I take these risks then? The idea of not pursuing my
dreams and living my life to its potential is almost as scary as dying.